The Abduction of Blue Bethany-Ann
Synopsis: Based off a Cornish myth, The Abduction of Blue Bethany-Ann is a satire about parental over-protection and the willingness to do anything to save a child.
Excerpt:
THE TRIP TO SEE PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE and BEAUTY LESSON
(Ronald walks to Priestess Blue Eagle’s house. He reaches the Priestess’ door. On the outside a sign reads: “The Goddess Welcomes You. Ring the Sacred Bell.” A string hangs beside the door. Ronald hesitates, then pulls the string. An echo of bells are heard from inside. A moment later the door bursts open, and out steps a woman, dressed all in black. She has long red fingernails and jangly bracelets and earrings.)
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Hello. You must be Ronald. We have been waiting for you. Please, come in.
(She motions him to come inside. Steam comes out. Ronald slowly enters.)
(They are now inside. There is a small round table with a crystal ball on top. Incense is burning everywhere. To the left is a fish tank with a statue of a goddess inside. The fish swim around it. The sound of bells is louder. Ronald coughs from the smoke.)
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Sit. We must begin. I can feel the Goddess with us in the room already.
(Ronald nervously sits at the table. Priestess Blue Eagle sits down across from him, handing him a steaming golden goblet.)
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Drink this. It will clean your aura.
(Ronald takes the drink, hesitates, then slowly drinks it. Priestess Blue Eagle chants goddess chants under her breath. Ronald gags.)
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Keep drinking. Drink it all. You must purify. You must cleanse your male energy for the highest divine power to be present with us in the room. Oh, Goddess, Great Goddess, oh sacred mother, I can feel your presence.
(She begins to chant again under her breath. Ronald drinks the rest of the potion.)
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Wait. Sit still. I can feel her right behind you. Don’t turn around. Feel her presence. Breathe it in and out. Shhhh.... Yes Goddess, what is it?...... She tells me that you must take your pants off and put on a skirt. You must shed your masculine identity.
RONALD: Excuse me?
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Remove your pants. The Goddess is with us. It is the only way. You must remove your pants and put on this skirt.
(She hands him a pink flowered skirt. He takes it and looks at it for a moment.)
RONALD: But Priestess Blue Eagle, I don’t-
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Hurry now! You must! We can’t waste any time. The Goddess gets disturbed very easily. You need her help. I can see it in your eyes. You must do as she says.
RONALD: Alright. I, uh..... Okay. If you don’t mind.....
(He indicates for her to look the other way. Priestess Blue Eagle closes her eyes and begins to chant again. Ronald talks to the air.)
RONALD: I’m doing this for you Bethany-Ann. My little blue Bethany- for you!
(Ronald slowly takes his pants off and puts on the skirt.)
RONALD: Alright, then. Is she, is the Goddess happy?
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Opening her eyes. Yes. The Goddess is happy. Now tell me what you have come for.
RONALD: Well, I’ve come because, you see-
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Wait! Shhhhh! The Goddess is signaling me...... She says you must put the sacred mask on before we go any further.
RONALD: What sacred mask?
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: The cucumber lemon peel. To clear blocked energies in your facial energy points.
RONALD: This is awfully strange. Are you sure-
PRIESTESS BLUE EAGLE: Silence! Please! You must obey!
RONALD: Yes, of course! He speaks out to the air. I’m sorry, oh Goddess of the..... the...... oh Great Goddess. Yes.
(Priestess Blue Eagle hands him a jar with the mask, which he opens and goops onto his face. When his face is covered in green goop, he hands the jar back to her.)
RONALD: My face feels all tingly.
PRIESTESS: Good. That means it’s working. Shhhh.... I can feel her presence strong again. Now, tell me, she looks straight at Ronald, her eyes penetrating him, what is it that you are here for?
RONALD: Well, you see, it’s my daughter. She’s.. she’s blue. She’s blue from head to foot. Not peach, not purple, but blue.
PRIESTESS: (Gasping.) Blue, you say?
RONALD: Yes! Blue! From head to toe! She came in from playing outside and there she was. Just like a blueberry.
PRIESTESS: No!
RONALD: Yes! I don’t know what happened! She says there were creatures. Blue creatures that sang-
PRIESTESS: No. Don’t say it. No! Not the creatures!
RONALD: Yes. Blue creatures. I don’t know what’s gotten into her head really.
PRIESTESS: Those creatures. I know those creatures. I know them from a past life. They’re goblins. Your daughter is in danger. Nobody knows about the goblins. They are not allowed. Those who do they take away. Once a child has seen the goblins, their destiny is chosen, and they, too, will become a goblin. It’s the only way the goblins can protect themselves from the outside world. No-one can know about them.
RONALD: No! Please, don’t let them take away my daughter. Anything but that. She hasn’t even gotten her period yet! I haven’t even read her “Mark Twain” (not until she’s old enough). She’s only six years old. She can’t become a goblin. What will people say? They can’t take her away. Whoever they are! Please! Tell me what I can do! I’ll do anything! (He is sobbing by now.)
PRIESTESS: Yes, yes. Of course. Looking into her crystal ball. Mmmmmm...... yes..... the goblins. I can see them. Hold my hands. We must channel the Goddess to give us strength to overcome this oppression. She will guide our way.
(She begins to chant more vigorously under her breath. Once in a while she will let out a loud screech. Then slowly she begins to vibrate. Her whole body vibrates. She is becoming possessed by the Goddess. She speaks in a low, vibrating tone.
PRIESTESS: I see your daughter. She is in your house. It is night. Everything is silent. Not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse. You must protect her. They will only try once. If they fail, they will never come again. Everything must be silent. The silence is a guard between your daughter and the goblin’s world. If it exists, they cannot get past it and take her away.
(Priestess Blue Eagle begins to seizure and falls to the floor. Ronald jumps up.)
RONALD: Priestess Blue Eagle? Are you alright?
(He shakes her. He feels her forehead with the palm of his hand. She comes to.)
RONALD: I can’t believe it! You were possessed. The Great Goddess possessed you!
PRIESTESS: (Sitting up, she begins to breathe very slowly in and out. She takes a flask from her bodice and takes a chug.) Yes. I am very tired now. You must leave immediately.
RONALD: Right. I know what to do now. I have to hurry! I must make everything silent, before the goblins come- just like you said. Thank you very much Priestess. You don’t know how much you’ve helped. Here’s $100- keep the change.
(Singing, “Here I come to save the day!” He jumps up, still wearing the skirt and green mask, and exits through the door, turning back one more time to wave goodbye to Priestess, silhouetted in the doorway. Pristess Blue Eagle waves goodbye tiredly, stuffing the $100 into her breast.)